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Letters

Be the Woman You Meant to Be (Suzanne)

Posted by Alyssa.fenix on July 8, 2014 at 9:55 AM

Dear College Suzanne,

Soon, your good lesbian friends will take you to a lesbian bar, and one of their friends will look you straight in the eye and tell you that you’re gay. This will be your turning point and everything will change! It will validate all the hours spent agonizing over what the hell all these feelings are and what they mean for you. Despite what you’ve been brought up to believe, you will not be struck down because of who you are! However, you may want to start exploring new religious avenues. You’re always going to be a spiritual person, so you’re not going to lose that part of yourself. So it’s time to stop dismissing the feelings you have for girls by thinking that it’s just a “I really want to be their friend” feeling because, let’s face it, you want much more than that.

As for coming out, it is going to be difficult to come out to your friends and family, but they will all understand, and no one is going to think less of you for it. In fact, many of them will try so very hard to hold back the words, ‘well duh’ or something along those lines. Your siblings will all be understanding, accepting, and almost upset that you hesitated so long to tell them. Your parents, on the other hand are a different story. They will not disown you, but they will never fully understand. They think it’s a choice and will struggle to understand that it’s not. Unfortunately, you will spend far too many hours agonizing over your relationship with your parents and whether or not it’s healthy for your family. However, you must always remember to stay strong when speaking with them on the topic so they don’t think that don’t have any reason to question or doubt who you are.

The good news is this does not by any stretch mean that you will grow up to be a lonely old cat lady. You can stop climbing back in the closet when you enter a new situation because you will not encounter many people who will judge you solely based on who you are. You will crush hard and you will crush often, but don’t take it so hard when the feelings aren’t returned. There’s something huge coming your way: the woman of your dreams, and you want to be ready for her! You should not spend so long concentrating on the idea that it will all end in more disappointment and just ask her out already! She will love you despite the fact that she is the first person that you’ll be with and have NO idea what you’re doing! And a note on that: stop worrying that women won’t want anything to do with you if they find out you’re a virgin. Turns out, it doesn’t matter as much as you may think it does. It may make for a couple uncomfortable situations that your wife will never let you live down, but that will not define your relationship or what you can offer. But wait, there’s more…

Yes, you read right, your wife. Yes, you do get married and you have a beautiful wedding that everyone will love and rave about. No, your parents don’t come, but the way the rest of your family rally behind you warms your heart more than you could ever know. In fact, you’ll have family members suggesting you get married and move to their state or country because your marriage will be legal there. Four years later, you and your wife will join the fight to have marriage equality in Maryland and win. Finally, you will have the family you always hoped for and that you will do anything for.

So here’s the bottom line. Right now you’re scared to be who you are around anyone, but that will all change. You will be a strong, confident woman who will get everything that you’re worried that being a lesbian will keep you from. You will always know who you are and you will be proud of it. So it’s time to start believing in yourself and be the woman you are meant to be.

Categories: Coming Out, Relationships, Spirituality

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