|Posted by Alyssa.fenix on July 8, 2014 at 9:45 AM|
Dear Spastic Past Me,
Hey there! This is the part of the letter where I'm not really sure what to say, getting started is the most uncomfortable part. I am here to talk to you about your current state and what you are going through. To be honest I often find myself thinking about you. Most of those thoughts end in me face palming myself and thinking ""what was I thinking"", but right now I want to talk to you about what you just went through.
So, you just came out, eh? Boy that was a big step, and look at you! You're still here to talk about it. Yeah it was hard, filled with the ever plaguing ""what if's"" that will haunt you for the rest of your life. But more importantly, you made it out okay. You got lucky, nobody chastised you or stopped talking to you. For the most part, people just went ""well that's a thing, meh...neat!"" and you went about your business of staying anxious and worrying about what was next. What I'm here to tell you is this..If I knew then what I know now...then I would have calmed down.
Yes, it's horrific to come out. It's something that not only do you have to admit to yourself, you have to admit to everyone. This thing that you've been toying with for your entire life stops being a thought, and starts being a thing. That's the hardest part. It's an instant change. Within seconds you become someone totally different, not only to yourself, but to the rest of your world. Now I say your world because let's face it. Nobody on the other side of the planet is too concerned with what you are going through as you cry to your mom about the girl you are in love with who barely knows you exist. But man, that girl was a heartbreaker, you'll get over it, you always do.
Calming down is probably the only advice that I can actually give you. Thinking too hard and getting lost in your own head will be the one area that you will have to overcome when becoming an adult. Yes, you will still have that problem of worrying too much, over analyzing every situation until you've exhausted every resource in your mind will still be your biggest hurdle, but you won't do it every time you meet a nice girl, or come into contact with that family member that you haven't seen in years. Or your English teacher. Being afraid that people will discriminate against you, or hate you for who you are isn't going to be an issue in your life. Let's face it, everyone you've met up to now has liked you okay, that's probably because you're doing something right. Keep that up, stop stressing the little things, respect your friends and family and be kind to people. That will go a longer way that trying to be something that you're not. Oh and by the way...don't have short hair... it doesn't look good on you. And in 2014 thank the higher powers above that Hipsterism became a thing.
Speaking of 2014, you're not doing so bad for yourself. You have an amazing girlfriend who keeps you in your place, and at the same time teaches you the one thing you've always needed to learn, patience. Life comes at it's own pace and you've tried to speed it up but it didn't work. Yes, I'm trying to tell you that sadly, you have not developed the formula for time travel, but you have figured out true happiness. Taking everyday at a time and appreciating the little things is what you've always needed. You have a great job where you've had the pleasure of never having to grow up. You get to talk to people everyday about things that matter to them and at the same time allowing them to see that what they care about matters to you as well! It might not be the ideal job for most people, but you are good at it and that's all that you care about. When you were a few years younger you decided to live by the philosophy of ""do what makes you happy"", and you did. You've lived in some amazing places, downtown Chicago, Baltimore, and the classiest of all York Pennsylvania. Really, who can contest your life? You got here on your own and you're happier than you've ever been, all that came from realizing that the world moves at it's own pace, and letting the little things going and not worrying about the things you can't change have eased the extra baggage that you used to carry around. Breathe mini me, coming out is hard, but it will get better, and you'll be okay.